


Peter vs. The Illuminati

by TinyandSteve



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 16:36:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18123785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyandSteve/pseuds/TinyandSteve
Summary: Peter finds out about the Illuminati and freaks out, much to the dismay of his dad.





	Peter vs. The Illuminati

**Author's Note:**

> Peter is me when I was about 12 years old and cried because I thought Illuminati was gonna ruin us all lol. Enjoy this shitshow.

“Dude, I swear this is the work of the Illuminati.” Ned exclaimed as the bell rang, letting the children go for the day. 

“What are the Illuminati?” asked a quite confused Peter, packing his bag. He was sure his Dad was already waiting outside to pick him up. 

“The lizard people, Peter. You know the ones who control the world. They are brainwashing you constantly. Kanye West? Illuminati. Taylor Swift? Illuminati. Even Beyoncé is one of them. Hell, Starbucks is a controlled business by them.”

Peter furrowed his brows and hitched his backpack higher on his shoulder. Ned must be going crazy. It was just the excitement of the first day in junior high school, Peter thought.

“Lizard people? You are joking, right?” Peter said, both boys making their way down the corridor to the main entrance. 

“Peter, I was just as wary as you are right now, but listen there is so much proof. I will send you some links once I am home.” The boy told his best friend. “Listen, I think your Dad might be a member, too. Anyway, I will see you tomorrow, Petey-Pie!” Ned waved goodbye with a big sly grin on his face.

It was all his Dad’s fault. He always used embarrassing nicknames, even when Ned was around and Ned being the devious best friend he was, used them to tease him whenever he had the chance. 

 

 

That night Peter spend hour after hour reading about the Illuminati and watching videos of conspiracy theories concerning Illuminati organizations. Apparently, all important people in the world were members and tried to brainwash society into submission. And oh no, his dad was one of the important people, wasn’t he?

He read different articles about Madonna admitting to the world that she knew all the secrets about Illuminati and according to Uncle Clint, Madonna was a trustworthy source.

After finding out about their satanistic tendencies and sacrificing human lives, and real aliens as politicians and government officials Peter shut his laptop. Overwhelmed with the wealth of information, Peter didn’t even get the chance to catch any rest that night. 

 

The next morning the boy found his father sipping on a Starbucks cup of coffee in the kitchen. With a shriek, Peter sprinted towards his Dad and knocked the cup out of his hands. The dark liquid splattered across the kitchen tiles. 

“Dad we do not support the Illuminati! They’re gonna brainwash you!” the boy exclaimed and wrapped his arms tightly around his father’s waist, burying his head in his chest as he dived into the hug he craved since he started reading about the evil organization. 

“Um, bambino, what are you talking about?” Tony asked after a moment, visibly confused and a little sad about his spilled morning coffee. Steve was nice enough to buy him a cup on his morning run every day and he couldn’t even enjoy it. 

“The Illuminati, Dad!” Peter mumbled as if that would explain everything. Tony run his finger through his son’s unruly curls and stroked over his back in a comforting manner, letting the topic fall for now. 

“Go get ready for school, Tesoro. I’ll drop you off.” 

 

Once in the car, Tony turned on the radio but he didn’t even get the chance to bob his head to the song, because Peter slammed his hand on the touchscreen of the board computer to stop the music. 

“Beyoncé is part of the Illuminati. We can’t listen to music anymore. They use the music industry to manipulate us!” The boy cried out with a haunted look in his eyes. 

“Peter, slow down. What are you talking about?” Tony asked his son, a look of bewilderment on his face. 

“Ned told me about the Illuminati and how they control everything and, and, and they sacrifice people and some of them are lizards like the president and the devil is their leader and dad-” 

“Peter, hold on. Lizards? I am sure Ned was just joking around, okay. Listen to me, Cucciolo. The Illuminati is just a crazy conspiracy theory created by some lunatics. None of this is real.”

“You just say that because you are one of them,”

“Peter-”

“And you only say that to not get busted.”

“Peter-”

“And I thought I could trust you!”

“Peter!”

“What?”

“The Illuminati existed way back in 1776, that’s true but they died a long time ago. I pinky promise. No one is brainwashing or manipulating anyone. Did I ever do or say something that gave you the impression that I do manipulate you?” Tony stopped at the side of the road, not caring about the honking and the fact that they were late. 

“Well..no?” Peter replied sheepishly, blushing.

“Right, and even if I did, what would I make you do that you wouldn’t want to do, hm?”

“You make me eat spinach and do homework and sometimes you make me do the dishes.” the boy complained and crossed his arms. He slouched in his seat and jutted out his bottom lip in a pout.

With a heavy sigh, Tony turned in his seat to looked at his kid.

“You want to know why I do this? Because I love you and I care about you. I want you to grow up a healty and responsible person, bambino.” 

“I am sorry I knocked your coffee out of your hands.”

“And?”

“And I love you too. I am sorry.”

“It’s fine, petey-pie. Let’s get you to school before your principal calls me again.”

“Hey Dad? Can we not mention it every again?”

“Oh no, that’s gonna be the next movie night’s topic. Thor will love this.”

“Ugh I hate you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have a tumblr blog now where I post more stuff. I am also open to prompts and requests and such. Come talk to me there : tinyandsteven.tumblr.com


End file.
